This year, my dad informed me that all he wants for Christmas is a nice card and anecdotes from my life, which is not only a lie, but spectacularly unhelpful. I’m not alone. All around the world, fathers are telling their children that they don’t want anything for Christmas. What could you even get them? Dads are independent creatures, meaning that when they want things, they buy them. And so we are left with the age-old question: what are you supposed to buy your dad for Christmas?

For the Culturally Interested Dad that likes Trinkets:

Culturally interested dads are everywhere. These are the dads that won’t travel to the Middle East per se, but they enjoy Turkish espresso. They’re not getting into China for a variety of reasons, but you can bet they have lucky cats. My favorite subculture to offer culturally interested dads is ceramics. They’re useful, they’re beautiful, and most importantly, they usually come for under $40. MIYA Tableware in Princeton offers a great variety of mugs, plates, those bowls with a place to lay your chopsticks, and more. I got my dad a Tanuke mug for his birthday, and it is the perfect size for Espresso.

For the Dad in the Multi-Level Marketing CBD Oil Scheme:

For this dad, and this is a controversial choice, I would recommend a trip to Mystical Blossoms on Main Street Medford. Mystical Blossoms does come off as a feminine store, but in spite of this, they have a variety of essential oil-based serums. I personally love their bug spray because it smells like witch hazel, which I adore. They also sell teas, herbal remedies, and drink mixers.

For the Yoga Dad:

This one is an easy score. Pay for some yoga classes in advance – I love the Deep Hot Stretch class offered three times a week at Shine Power Yoga (also on Main St). Other options for Yoga Dad include a yoga block, yoga cylinder, yoga towel, or those really nice knee pads that help with poses such as cat, cow, and modified lunges. Find them here.

For the Skiing and Snowboarding Dad:

Every year, my father flies out West to ski Whistler or Beaver Creek. You might not know what those are, but your ski dad certainly does. It gets cold in the mountains, so do your dad (and the environment) a favor by ditching the hand warmers for a pair of heated gloves. These ski gloves are also helpful as a sibling gift because they’re frequently expensive, so get a couple of siblings in on them. Find them here.

For the Dad that Enjoys Listening to Things:

All of my juvenile male friends love records. They’ve spent hundreds of dollars because that Phish album simply couldn’t be heard properly any other way. Think of a band your dad enjoys. If this is too difficult, think of a genre and go from there. Some helpful hints: most dads appreciate old jazz, U2, and, if he’s a Jersey dad, Billy Joel and Bruce Springsteen are always safe bets. Pick him up a record at an independent record store!

These are only five types of dads, but if your dad doesn’t fit into one of these categories, leave a comment stereotyping him, and I will tell you what to get him.